I needed a weekend like this

If I was to recap the week that just whizzed past me, it'd have the following bullet points:

- Worked on Zune, on Facebook stuff
- Wore myself out in the gym more than ever before
- Hardly ate, hardly slept
- Finally slept, emptied my suitcases, and kicked back!

In the spirit of my new resolve to find a silver lining before calling it a night, I sit in bed and recount the events of the day gone by. If I draw a blank, I walk up to the mirror in my bathroom, sneak a glance at myself, and take solace in the mirror's reflection. I have evolved into a confident yet measured speaker with a distinctive style and presence. I didn't have to resort to too many looks in the mirror to keep my resolution this week; the P2P summit, my work for the 2.5 release, the progress with Rajit and Nishant, and the stimulating conversations with my close friends have given me more than enough to be optimistic about. Not every week is like this...

That part about evolving into a more dynamic person has its downside. When I was a bumbling teenager looking for my niche, for my edge, finding myself was my mission. My journey is chronicled in this blog, and at almost every turn, the company of boys and girls kept me going. In moments of solitude, I now reflect on the times gone by, wonder why I didn't tie up some loose ends, wonder how things would have been, could have been had I turned left instead of right at a fork. Looking back in time, in a nutshell, is my new problem, and it muddies my appreciation for today and the future. The wise ones say that we all carry baggage, mostly emotional, and as I write this I wonder, is there a tipping point in our lives after which the baggage starts to get lighter? What if I chose to always look ahead - would that help me jettison some of the load? I wish the questions would stop popping into my head!

Was turning 30 a life altering event?

To those who haven't figured this out yet, I turned 30 on September 13, 2007. People make a big deal about turning 30, but honestly, I didn't initially get what everyone was talking about. Age is just a number, isn't it? A birthday is just another day - the sun rises, the wind blows (a sea breeze), the sun sets, the wind blows some more (a land breeze). Right? For the most part...

Subconsciously though, the fact that another decade of my life had passed me by slowly began to dawn on me. The decade most instrumental in determining the future course of my life was behind me, and begged some reflection. What had I accomplished? How would I like to remember these years? Was I any happier today than I was when I turned 20? Was I happy with the status quo or was it time to make a change? These questions have haunted me the last couple months.

One thing is certain - if the last decade was one of growth, this decade is going to be one of change. My friends started noticing changes in me when I returned from India in October, I decided to enter a committed relationship which till a few months ago wasn't even a consideration, but the biggest change in this new decade has been the dialing back at work. I have always put work ahead of everything else over the last six years at Microsoft, but this is all about to change. I'd like to preface this with the fact that I have no regrets; my time at Microsoft has been a rewarding experience. Reviews - good or bad - aren't reason to love or hate someone else; this dialing back has nothing to do with my performance at work. I simply want more from life now, don't want to be a worker bee any more than I need to be, and enjoy the real pleasures of life. Taking an afternoon off to idle away in the sunshine, go skiing on a weekday evening, sit beside a sick friend, speak to Gouri through an afternoon, and read my favorite blogs so I am abreast with the happenings of my interest. To Life then...

Hail the Anti-Social Manoj

What started out as just a fad has now become a problem - I just don't have the inclination to participate in social activities any more. If my time in India, both in October and January, is a harbinger of times to come, I need to do something to reverse this anti-social streak. I've been sleeping earlier, not been on facebook much, have little desire to talk on the phone, am getting more involved in solo activities like running and biking, haven't really gone out partying since I have been back - the list goes on and on and ...

This phase could be attributed to the shitty weather in Seattle since I've been back. Wait, I was in Bombay where the weather was smashing; why then did I not want to do anything much except sit around and watch cricket? Hmm, identifying the problem is half the battle won. Good thing there is an easy way to *start* fixing this problem - stop typing, get up, shower and bounce out of the house. Time to fill out the prescription.

Disassociation as a technique to maximize your athletic performance

:Link to Article:

Dr. Morgan, who tested the method in research studies, said he was inspired by a story, reported by an anthropologist that, he suspects, is apocryphal. It involves Tibetan monks who reportedly ran 300 miles in 30 hours, an average pace of six minutes a mile. Their mental trick was to fixate on a distant object, like a mountain peak, and put their breathing in synchrony with their locomotion. Every time a foot hit the ground they would also repeat a mantra.

So Dr. Morgan and his colleagues instructed runners to say “down” to themselves every time a foot went down. They were also to choose an object and stare at it while running on a treadmill and to breathe in sync with their steps. The result, Dr. Morgan said, was that the runners using the monks’ strategy had a statistically significant increase in endurance, doing much better than members of a control group who ran in their usual way.

That, in a sense, is the trick that Paula Radcliffe said she uses. Ms. Radcliffe, the winner of this year’s New York City Marathon, said in a recent interview that she counts her steps when she struggles in a race. “When I count to 100 three times, it’s a mile,” she said. “It helps me focus on the moment and not think about how many miles I have to go. I concentrate on breathing and striding, and I go within myself.”

I do this subconsciously when I feel like I can't go on any more. My technique - count my breathes till a 100, and repeat. That focuses me on the task at hand, on the current moment, not on how many miles I have left to go. Do you have a similar technique? As apocryphal as the conclusion from the Tibetan monks story might appear, the strategy works for me. Two things help me go longer - dissociation and endorphins - but I know when to stop...

Hunger definitely strikes at 4pm

Jeff and his girlfriend Katie are trying out the South Beach Diet. Like all diets these days, this one is divided into phases; Phase 1 - deny your body all simple carbohydrates, grains, etc. Phase 2 - slowly re-introduce some simple carbohydrates from fruit back into your diet. Phase 3 - Become Rich! No?!?

In my opinion, the trick is to avoid simple carbohydrates if possible, keep your caffeine intake to 1 cup of coffee a day, and drink a lot of water. A friend of mine commented last evening on why Americans tend to eat so much junk food - it's because real food is so expensive. Canned fruit is so bad compared to the real deal, but it comes at a fraction of the price, and isn't subject to the vagaries of season. Want Peaches in Winter, go to the Canned Fruit aisle - easy as pie...

I threw together a really tasty stir fry last night, and since that moment, I've made a conscious effort to cut out as many carbohydrates from my diet as I possibly can. It's so fucking hard though, especially between 4 and 6 pm!! There has to be an easier way that doesn't include surrendering to Obesity. Train for a 1/2 marathon???

Life between the Lines

Yoga in the mornings, squash in the evenings, and some work in between - that's how my days go by. I am glad that I don't have much time left to be on Facebook, or MySpace, or be at work finding new things to fix. The quest for the rest of the year is to locate, and possibly acquire some measure of Zen.

Sumeet and I hung out after almost a year last week. You know, my love (and appreciation) for friendships that require very little maintenance has never been higher. It felt just like old times with Suri - we ate dinner, drank coffee, and had a few glasses of Wine. I might've mentioned this meeting with him in an earlier post, but for some reason, it's not passed into the nether regions of my consciousness. The only difference between the Suri of yesterday and today is the philosophical tilt of his conversations. We both have wanderlust, and are slowly discovering that the rat-race is not worth running for too long. Life's about taking a pause, and ...

Got my first squash lesson in almost a year, and I learnt two new things. Two bad habits that were negating the gains my game had made over the past six months; thanks Azam! I am looking forward to the rest of my sessions with him before I leave on vacation. Oh yeah, something else I hadn't done in more than a few months is gorge on curly fries with my lunch. Just felt like I have been spending enough time in the gym to earn me a treat - a complete serving of them curlies. And they were so tasty with the chipotle sauce - Ummmmmmm!! Time to live a little eh? No! That's it for this week, except if I get my hands on a bag of Jalapeno Chips :)

Getting squashed on the court

Tuesday night is Seattle City League Night. Teams of at most 6 players in every skill category (A, B, C and D) all over the Seattle Tacoma area play against each other on Tuesday night. The league is like social hour; I end up playing and meeting both strangers and acquaintances, and had it not been for the league, it would be very hard to play against better opponents on such a regular basis. I have played against the Pro Club members so much now that I practically know their games, know what works against them, and have figured out how I can win, if at all. So last night, when I got a chance to play Jeff Evans, the Northgate team's Number One player, I relished the opportunity, and made the most of it.

In the lead-up to the match, I ran more, lifted weights, and ate healthy, so I was on top of my game. Turned out, I prepared a little too much, because I lost in 3 tough games to Jeff. My sole consolation prize was that I won the next 2 games we played but that didn't affect the final result. The rest of my team members lost their respective matches too, and the way things are going, the team might go lossless all season.

Now that the Zune launch is done, we have a week off to recharge, connect with friends and family (once again), and prepare ourselves for the next challenge - deliver a compelling set of follow-up features that increase the value proposition of a Zune purchase. This is a tall order mind you, because Apple is not going to sit still over the next couple of months. As I said yesterday though, the heat is on Apple for the first time in the Music Player business, and their response remains to be seen.

The stock markets today took another nosedive, which means my Microsoft stock is still worthless. Maybe greed isn't the way to go here - once the market rebounds from its current bear phase, I'll sell my holdings, and invest in mutual funds or in India. The market, and the dollar need to recover lost ground though, and both will hopefully sometime soon.

You heard about the Indian girl with 8 limbs??

Long Time No Post

India brings out the hopeful despondent in me - an entity that thrives on the radiant sun, basks in the warmth of the people around him, and waxes eloquent about the Indian experience on this wall. If my quest was for literary excellence, I'd stay back. Alas, that's not the case; I eventually return to Seattle, where for the first week after I land, nothing quite feels the same. Everything is simpler in America, more accessible, therefore one could argue, less *special*. A typical day in Bombay is spent dealing with impatient, rude, rowdy, impertinent, impetuous, lazy and down-right ridiculous people. The thought of a few moments of solitude, drink in hand, within the four walls of your quiet home help you look beyond the cacophony, and takes you through the day. Survival is tougher in India, don't get me wrong, but the satisfaction of having survived another day is stupendous as well.

It is exactly 5pm, and the sun has set on what has been a cold and dank day in Seattle. Winter is upon us, and a pall hangs over the daily proceedings. The volatility in the stock market has resulted in almost all the gains of the last week to be nullified, and in the lead-up to the Zune v2 launch tomorrow, things have quietened significantly at work. People are beginning to jump ship, and I will be sad to see some faces go, though I did expect some departures. Working on a project like Zune comes at a dear price, which at first seems commensurate with the quality of work, but for some, the cross is too heavy to bear. While I definitely see my future on this team, I need to take active measures to attain a balance between my work and personal lives. Till that is sorted, I can't rest.

The beaming faces on my desktop bring a smile to my face. The fond memories from this trip involved both friends and family, and I'd like to take a moment and thank the powers that be for my good fortune. Regardless of promises kept or broken, I've returned to the US with an even stronger yearning to pursue a career in India. I just need the stars to align, and the right opportunity to present itself to take the plunge. Who knows, this might help jettison the abject loneliness too.

When it's 35 Degrees Celsius

The sunlight pouring in through the open window, my auditory senses are enthralled with a melange of melodic sounds from my computer and garish sounds from cars driving by. Cup of milk in hand, I am trying to shake the writer's block away but my muse eludes me. The highlight of this trip has been its soundtrack - India is famous as a country of many cultures, but it gets little credit for being a country of many sounds. It is rare, even at night, for the bustling city of Mumbai to be quiet. Either my Mac or my Zune have been a constant companion during my travels, and when the sounds of the city become monotonous, I create a soundtrack of my own. Release your inner ZJ...

The adjustment to the new time zone is almost complete, and one of the objectives of this trip is reaching fruition - I am sleeping better and longer hours. As this process runs its course, the crankiness borne of sleeplessness will dissipate, and I should calm down. As things stand right now, I stop myself in my tracks when I sense myself slipping into my Hitler garb, but it's still not early enough to avert every situation in which I exceed my bounds. It's time I took a chill pill though, and went back to being Happy Go Lucky; I wonder if becoming an adult comes at the price of loosing some "Happy-Go-Lucky"ness. If that is the case, it's an expensive tax to pay.

The Sad Truth - I am tethered to Email and Work

Work Email is omni-accessible - on my Phone, in my Office, over the Web, and at home. The sorry realization is that despite all my efforts to the contrary, work email has percolated into my very being. There is no other explanation for the cravings I experienced to read my email the first few days I made it back home. Come to think of it, this was an inevitable eventuality - I didn't have an Internet connection at home for many years, and while everyone around me was buying into the smart phone frenzy, I resisted and used the simple T-610 for as long as it was feasible. Then, I caved...

Back to the present - my steely resolve has mostly prevented me from giving in to the urge to navigate past http://microsoft.koolaid.here/. It helped that I was in Bangalore for 3 out of the first 4 days I was back. The toughest phase is past me, and if I do check email now, it's on my terms!

This brings me to the oft discussed and hereto unresolved issue of work-life balance. What checks and balances can I put in place so that work does not travel with me everywhere I go? To those that know me well, it would come as no surprise that Sachin's wedding was just a front for my trip to India. I was close to my breaking point last month with the stress of my new job; the true purpose of this trip is to recharge my batteries and get some sleep. I haven't had much success with sleeping yet, but just being away from Redmond and the rat race that is intricately woven into its fabric has been detoxifying.

To Bangalore We Shall Go...

<This was written on the 19th but published today>

I couldn't sleep past 6am this morning; an expected outcome given that I had passed out around 10 the night before. My body clock stays warped for a day or two when I first arrive by the Arabian Sea, but within a few days, I am back to my regular shenanigans between 10 am and 2 am. Ready for the random fact of the day? If you use your laptop/cell phone in India, expect the keys to become sticky, and all white objects to turn a slight shade of brown.

I decided to check-in to my flight to Bangalore over the web, but I wasn't sure if the Indigo website would support this. I was pleasantly surprised with the experience, and barring the fact that I had to call the 1800 number to allocate a new pair of seats for Nikhil and myself, the operation was quite the success. I am sitting in this Bangalore guest house room singularly because of that bright idea. Read on to find out why; as for the airline, the site is http://www.goindigo.in/.

Complete co-ordination was needed between multiple members of the Mehta family this morning in order for two of us to be ready for our trip. Mom packed our bags with the help of Vikas and Tai, Nikhil drove to Nikita's to get a signed photocopy of her credit card, I got ready and guided the packing troops in their duties :). All was proceeding on schedule until I decided to pamper myself with a salon shave. Hey, it usually takes me 20 minutes to shave; considering I had mostly trimmed most of the hair down, I didn't think a professional barber would take any longer than it would take me to clean the fuzz. WRONG!

Almost thirty five minutes later, I sauntered into the living room, clean shaven and extremely late. The flight was to depart at 1:25 pm, and it was already 12:10pm when we left, which was cutting it very close. It is an hour long commute to get to the airport from Worli, and as the trip to the airport progressed, I readied myself to spend another 100$ on our tickets. Here is a play by play for your entertainment in the Manoj Mehta patented Mastercard-24 format: (12:15pm) Cab ride to the train station - 40 rupees in cash; (12:31pm) Train ride from Mahalakshmi to Vile Parle - 12 rupees in cash; (12:58pm) Auto rickshaw ride from station to airport - 50 rupees in cash. Arriving at the airport at 1:13pm and still getting on to the plane, PRICELESS.

Getting on to the plane took a lot of two things - praying, stressing, and a little help from 2 complete strangers. The first one gave us 2 rupees so we could buy our train tickets. The other was the rickshaw driver who hauled ass from the station to the airport; he drove on the other side of the road, blared his horn, ruthlessly cut fellow drivers, and somehow managed to cover 2.5 crowded kilometers within 8 minutes (truly a mean feat of Bombay driving). As we entered the terminal, late as hell to begin with, Nikhil wanted to check our bags in, which I graciously accorded as the stupidest idea of the day, vetoed it, and instead directed our attention to the the security check-booth. Imagine my surprise when I was told that we were at the wrong check-point - halle-fucking-lujah. An alert airport assistant noticed our hapless situation, and led us to the right security gate where things proceeded smoothly until the cop wouldn't accept our printed boarding passes. Nikhil ran out and called the Indigo representative, who stamped our passes while simultaneously informing us that we had arrived in the nick of time - any further delay on our part and they would have departed without us. Phew!!

Bullets of sweat flowing down the sides of our faces, both of us took our seats as the air hostesses closed the airplane's gate. Through the "arduous" ride, we didn't feel hunger or thirst because of the continuous adrenalin rush. About the time we took our seats, our tiny celebration of making the "cut" was rudely interrupted by both parched throats and rumbling stomachs. That's when we started requesting bottles of water, and by the end of the flight, the two of us had gone through 12 bottles (250ml each). One of the air hostess' saw us, smiled at us, and kept bringing us water, sometimes without our explicit asking - the almost instant guzzling down of the entire bottle of water clued her in to how thirsty we were, maybe! :)

Our welcoming party consisted of a familiar face and a new one, but not for an instant during the ride to the hotel did I feel constrained. Gouri seems like a good sport, and if her friend is anything like she is, Gundapps is a lucky man. My opinion is that you can't truly love a person without spending time under the same roof; given my confidence in my friend's ability to love, I think this is going to be a very happy union.

Touchdown India

I am back in the Motherland, again! You'd think I was now habituated to the rigors of the travel halfway across the globe from Seattle to Bombay, but I am not. The exhaustion, the sleep deprivation, the distaste for airplane food, all those things never change. What I did change this time was how I spent my time while in the air - instead of wasting the entire time watching the TV screen, I caught up on my Economist reading, after which I solved a Quantitative section of a GMAT practice test. Nothing like getting caught up with what's going on in the rest of the World. Too bad most of the news is depressing!

While I speak about changes, Mumbai's International Airport has definitely changed for the better on a yearly basis. The changes are mainly cosmetic; alas, it is impossible to change the attitudes of the officers manning the booths or the fact that the carousel area is full of coolies looking to thug you out of your money for the most basic service, but I take solace in the positives rather than get worked up over the fringe negatives. The immigration process was a breeze - extremely efficient, and a far cry from the long drawn process it is at Seatac airport. Efficient isn't an adjective I'd associate with the baggage retrieval process though. The time I saved at the immigration desk was negated by the inordinate delay in my bags emerging from the aircraft. Now that I think of it, "You win some, You lose some", is a phrase that best summarizes my experiences in India. Let's see how this trip unfolds...

The Review System

I have waited more than a week since I received my last performance review, and the resentment towards the system, and the bureaucracy that drives it hasn't subsided. Essentially, the review deflated my enthusiasm, and completely knocked the wind out of my sails. I thought this organization was different from others because of the nature of the project, and the relative infancy of the team. What I didn't account for was the fact that most of the team was comprised of senior employees from all over the company. You can build a new team, attempt to coat it with a new veneer, but the proof is in the pudding, or in this case, the mindset of the people you staff the team up with. Old School employees of this company are cut from the "arsehole" cloth, and they are quick to form cliques wherever they go. If you disagree with their philosophy, you're growth will stutter.

Not like I haven't learnt a lot in my new role. Au contraire, my technical growth has surpassed my expectations. I am still prone to small errors, but who isn't?! What has dawned on me though is that I need to get out of this morass-infected system, and work for a company/organization that values my input, regardless of my provenance. Prejudice manifests itself in many forms - some overt, others covert. The denizens in the latter category affected my review, and that is not something I can ever stand for.

To start the 30th year of my life on such a sullen note was a wake-up call that mandates action on my part.

Sore Knees

need ibuprofen, or so I am told. I had my first taste of meds to relieve pain, and they worked. i hope this doesn't become a habit, and instead of popping pills, I discipline myself to stretch before and after working out...

It's a sad day for me though :( Oh big deal says my alter ego, 2 pills ain't gonna kill you!

What does one do on an Immaculate day like this?

It's 24 degrees Celsius outside my window, and had it not been for the sudden bout of nausea after lunch, I would have stayed out in the sun. There might have been other days like today in the August gone by; not that I would have know because the only coherent details from the month gone by revolve around work, the drive to and from work, and ... my mind draws a blank.

The good news is that we've hit code complete. I left for the gym last evening at 5:45pm, knowing for the first time that I didn't need to come back for another session later in the evening. All my work was accounted for, completed, reviewed and checked-in; for the first time in months did I feel relieved, and overcome by a strong sense of accomplishment. All I need to do over the next month is fix bugs, but I am proud of my contribution to this project. The sense of fulfillment is hard to describe.

A quick nap, a bike ride to the gym, weight training, and a protein shake are next on the cards. I celebrated my reprieve from work by hanging out with Amru this afternoon; first she unpacked, then she cooked, all while I relaxed and watched the tele. Here's to more shiatsu massages in the afternoon...

To Write or To Sleep

After a relaxing weekend, I am ready for the long week ahead of me. Cooking has become a ritual on Sunday night, and I conjured up a simple Indian curry that will serve as my lunch for the next few days. I might make an exception this week, and cook on a week night - I've been craving one of my pasta recipes, so maybe I'll treat myself. I would like to note the biggest time suck this weekend - talking on the phone. I know, most of my brain cells are fried by this point, but not even the censure of my friends is putting an end to the incessant phone usage. I hate using a headset, so I am done for come January 1, 2008 when the use of a headset becomes mandatory while driving.

Though I couldn't partake in the Laser Tag festivities last afternoon, I did join the crew to celebrate Apurva's birthday at multiple locations last night. The party started at Apurva's house, continued at Capitol Club, and finally ended with us eating pizza at Mamma's on Capitol Hill. Christa and her friends rolled by the pizza joint, and we finally got home around 3am after lively banter. The only deviation from a domesticated Sunday was the drive to pick Amru from the airport. The drive afforded the opportunity to experience the one situation I hadn't been in all my life - having my car run out of gasoline before I got home.

Juggy came and bailed us out, and as we were struggling to get the hose into the tank, a state trooper pulled up and aided our efforts with her torch-light. She ensured that we got the car started before pulling away to catch some poor sap doing 39 in a 35. We got home an hour later than we should have, way colder than we should have, and treated ourselves to dinner and Entourage. Amru left, I finished folding the laundry, and am now ready to pass out. Lights out!

August Week 1

Hits and misses, strike outs and fly outs, close shaves and almost theres have characterized this week. Interestingly enough, this state has permeated every aspect of my life, and had it not been for this weekend, the negativity would have extended into the next week. The silver lining to this dark cloud has been a mix of impromptu weeknight rendezvous, and several trips to the gym that lasted at least 45 minutes.

Looking outside in, this week has brought some things to my attention that I should avoid in the future. The first lesson, sleeping at 6am on a weeknight is a bad idea. Solution - stop using the computer around midnight, work out earlier in the evening, bring the economist home every week so I have something to read while in bed, and turn my phone off at midnight. The second lesson, being a morning person works only if I have had approximately eight hours of sleep. The only day I woke up at 8am this past week was Friday, and my productivity hit its nadir that day. It might be because it was the last day of the week, or because I didn't turn my phone off at midnight the night before (smiles), but I'll keep trying this morning business. Persistence and perseverance result in ...

When I first moved in to my new digs, I was circumspect about the arrangement. My skepticism stemmed from my xenophobia, but two months into this and I must say, I couldn't have been more off kilter in my initial assessment. Saqib is reticent, weird (like that's a bad thing) and aloof at first, but he warms up with familiarity, and reveals depth, loyalty, and has an easy-going disposition. Such a stark contrast to Nishant.

I saw "The Prestige" last night, and like other Chris Nolan movies, the twist is in the tail (this isn't a play on words). Two aspiring magicians and close friends get estranged when the arrogance of one results in the death of the other's wife. The tragic accident starts a chain of events that lead to an unexpected climax that ties up all the movie's loose ends. The story alternates between the past and the present, which made some events hard to fathom at first, but the changing story-line piqued my curiosity and kept me engrossed. I had questions long after the credits were done rolling up the screen, the sign of a good feature film, and worthy of 4 stars.

Time to get back to reality now, the magic show is over. Work beckons...

Another Day, Another Late Night

A long yawn punctuates the stream of random thoughts in my head. As I prepare to get into bed, my mind drifts to the events of the day gone by. An early morning, a productive day at work, a quick yet effective workout, great coffee, an epiphany, and a rare sense of balance elevated today "beyond" my expectations.

These past weeks at work have been frustrating; I have made slow progress on my deliverables due to issues outside my control. It is true that stress causes your mind to focus on the single stress-inducer, which at first might seem like a good thing. The truth is, single minded focus causes you to miss out on the bigger picture, and precludes your ability to find other things to work on. In my case, while grappling with issues I couldn't fix, I overlooked the value of working on the unrelated, and therefore achievable, items assigned to me. Lightning struck me out of my rut this afternoon, and I found a purpose again. Two hours of focused coding, and I had fixes ready to go.

After a quick workout at the Pro Club, a quick cup of coffee (cinderella made it home on time with her sandals intact), and a check on how Amruta was doing with packing her belongings, I am finally sitting down penning my thoughts. Finally, I can rest in peace knowing full well that balance was achieved - the work, personal, and social chakras are rolling in the same direction, and propelling me forward. A long yawn...

Riding Around, Singing a Song

I have been riding my bike to and from the Pro Club since this idea first occurred to me on Thursday. I am working towards a day when I ride my bike in, play an intense squash match, and ride my bike back without being completely destroyed. Where am I at this moment? I have an extremely sore arse from all the riding. Soreness or not - I ain't wearing no weird biker shorts!

The current routine is to bike the 5+ miles to the club, work a set of muscles in the weight room, and ride back. I played squash just once this past week, so I might play a match today. Actually, even though I had a great night's sleep, I am still feeling the after-effects of a tough week at work. The hours aren't grinding on me anymore, it's just the constant state of high alert that's bringing the fatigue on. The adrenaline constantly pumping through my veins through the day at work is exciting though.

We went to Trinity last night to "celebrate" Mitika's birthday. After multiple weekends of Ridik partying, last night was relatively chill. Threw a shirt on, drove in to Pioneer Square, and hung with friends. The music was inconsistent at best, the DJ seemed to have an identity crisis, or plain didn't know what to play next. Trinity has something for everyone though, so when the RnB section wasn't up to the mark, I'd walk over to the Trance floor to groove. My usual crew of crazies is in Chelan, so I got to hang with a mix of old and new folks - fun party.

Random notes from the week:
- Met Pant after a long time. We're gonna grab lunch this coming week; he has intellectual depth and I'd like to hang with him more often.
- Did I hear trench-coat dress?
- The Simpsons movie gets 4*'s.
- 'Rash is back and made me a new CD - yay!

That's all folks!

ZJ Manoj spinning tunes on Friday

I have been asked to man the DJ booth this Friday evening in the Zune Atrium starting at 4pm. I have a list of tracks that I'd like to mix for first 45 of the 90 odd minutes I'll be a "ZJ", so I need your help. Here's what I need from you:

1. Do you like ZJ Manoj? If not, what should it be - ZJ Jhatax? :)
2. I need song recommendations from you. If the songs you recommend make the cut, I'll make you an mp3/wma/aac cd with all the songs I spin on Friday.

Peace!

The 4th of July 2007

The American Independence Day is often celebrated with friends at a barbeque, or sitting around in a park waiting for the fireworks to go off. Some of us are lucky enough to have the privilege of hosting a bbq in the evening, and follow it up with watching the fireworks go off. Thirteen of us got together at #18402, cooked, ate, and had a jolly good time this evening. It was time spent with my inner circle, and not for a minute did I think about work from the moment we started preparing for the event. Jugz and I came up with a list of things to buy, the purchases were made, the grill was fired up, and we were away.

It took about 20 minutes to clean up after everyone left, and this exhaustion feels so sweet. It is days like these that make life worth living, and if you were here this evening, thanks for making this day memorable. Peace to all!

Sachin's Visit to Seattle

The stream of work coming my way seems endless, but this new state of existence is teaching me the lost art of prioritizing activities. The omnipresent workload compels me to spend breaks from work (few, and always well earned) with a chosen few rather than a room full of strangers. Contrast this with a few years ago, when I used to wonder why people restricted their circle of friends. This was a time when "the more the merrier" was my motto, and the yardstick by which the success of an event or party was measured by the number of people in attendance. An evolution of the species, maybe?

This past weekend was one such well deserved, and thoroughly enjoyable break from the humdrum routine - Sachin stopped over in Seattle for 2 days en route to Korea. I could wax eloquent on the depth of our friendship, but some things just can't be described in words. The festivities, and shenanigans of his weekend sojourn weren't far from ordinary either, in fact, I have had more eventful weekends. What made this weekend uniquely singular, and therefore memorable, was his presence in the "team". We are crazier and more care-free in each other's company than we are by ourselves; it's as if the presence of one, exaggerates the vivacity in the other. I see in him the verve that others see in me, a pulse that makes us vibe to the same beat. There is another similar, symbiotic bond I share with a person, that is my relationship with Nikhil.

The conversations we had ranged from the sublime to the utterly mundane - past relationships, the future, work, what's to eat, why we are always late, etc. We share similar but sufficiently divergent opinions on a lot of subjects, so our discussions are both lively and insightful. There is always something to learn from an evenly balanced debate, and I had a few epiphanies this weekend. Oh yes, and a lot of alcohol!

I checked in the culmination of a week's labor a few minutes ago, and my work load is now reduced by a quarter of what it was earlier this morning. Miles to go before I sleep...

Carpal Tunnel in my Right Index Finger

My right index finger might be showing early signs of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This is a scary thought, so I am going to have it checked out soon, as early as Monday even. If you know of a good doctor, please write me a comment, or get in touch with me. I am not freaked out yet since that won't cure me in any way, but I plan to ice, and exercise my finger every day. And yes, no typing over the weekend, regardless of how much I feel the itch. Or I'll use my right middle finger more :)

Exhausted

I have been on the go since waking up at 6:40 this morning. I finally made it home not half an hour ago, and it took something like "The Daily Show" to help me uncompress. After chasing down the cause for a Priority Zero bug, and finally fixing it, I had nothing left in the tank to go on. Can't wait to hit the sack. I'll take the 3 big accomplishment of the day to bed as my prize - waking up at 6:40, working out before going to work, and the bug fix. Peace out!

Awake, and Ready!! - UPDATE 3

8:42pm
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Back from the Pro
Am still awake, and I didn't even put my back into it
Just ate the other 1/2 of my sandwich
Look at ME!
Friday Night is dinner and movie night - growl!

3:42pm
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Finally ate some lunch
An extremely critical bug kept me awake
Still haven't passed out
Squash at 4:30
The prognosis is good - I might make it through the day...

10:20am
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Sleepy, yawning, and low on fuel
Might get cranky soon
Waking up early is for the birds

Up at 7:15
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Showered, put em shorts on
Cup of milk, simple sandwich
Chill for 15 minutes, crank up the tunes
Ride the bus in
No lies, I am a little tired
Second baby step on the path to a normal sleep cycle

The burning questions -
1. When will I run out of steam?
2. At what time will I pass out tonight?

Unintended Consequences

Often times, your reactions come as a complete surprise to me. By "your", I mean the readers of this blog. There are times when I want a particular reaction from you, and I almost never get it. Other times, I write something, not expecting to hear a peek from anyone, and I get an email within a few days in response to my post. Hey, I am not complaining - the more often I communicate with you, the happier it makes me!

I think I have a solution to my sleeping problem, and I have narrowed it down to doing two things every night around midnight. The first is to pop my contacts out of my eyes, and the second involves making the trip from where ever I am to my bed, turning off the lights, and writing a quick blog post. Fine, the second step involves doing other things but you get the point, don't you?

Instead of going to the gym on what was a beautiful day, I chose to return home around 8, relax for a bit, and go out on a bike ride. I rode my bike for about 50 minutes, the highlight being an exhilarating patch of downhill riding on my way back home. I don't think I quite made it to Woodinville, but it was a good enough workout. The wonderful effect of riding outside was I felt refreshed, and more relaxed after the ride than I did when I first arrived from work. Curious, eh?

Worked a bit after returning back, watched a few episodes of Seinfeld (more on that timeless show at a later point), and am now ready to pass out. Good night!

A Quiet Weekend

After the high ridik factor of last weekend, this one started on a quiet note. I didn't get back from work on Friday till after 11pm, which eliminated any chance of going out that night. In recent times, I have limited my partying to special occasions - a friend's birthday, someone visiting Seattle, or me visiting another city.

Disgusted by the fact that I had lost my phone, I got down to the business of finding my old phone, and rummaging through my move boxes for tools to crack the phone open. Juggy stayed at home too, as did Saqib, so the three of us hung out, caught up on the week's activities, and I cracked my phone open. I slept late that night, but vowed to clean my room up the next morning, even if that meant not doing anything till I was done folding the clothes strewn all over the floor.

I spent most of Saturday cleaning up: I did some chores, cleaned my car, and bought some tools to fix up the busted things I could fix. The shoe glue has fixed my ripped sandals, the screw-driver set was used to fix my old phone, and I finally figured out how to get rid of the intermittent "Brake Light Circuit" message that my car's computer throws. Juggy drove me around in his "new" old BMW as I knocked items off my list, and we ended the evening with dinner at Kanishka.

Two rotis were one too many; the first real meal of the day, and I was hungry. The meal was a fitting reward for a week spent working hard, and working out every day. Despite my best intentions, things just haven't worked out for me. Since there is no point dwelling on the days gone by, I have maintained a positive outlook. All has not been bad though - my progress at work, and on the squash court has been encouraging. Work has been a good hectic, with a lot of bugs to fix. As regards squash, I am hitting a stride similar to my peak in 2004. I blew Steve out of the court, swept Sarat away, drilled one evening for an hour, but was stopped in my tracks by Karan on Friday. It was a tough contest though, the final game score was 9-8 in his favor. No point going to the gym after a week like that, no?

Watched two silly, but funny movies last night - Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and then Van Wilder. Call them silly, but some sequences had me in stitches. Slept in this morning, and worked all day after conjuring up an interesting brunch of scrambled eggs with spinach, sweet peas, mushrooms, and onions. Coffee at Kahili, a long session at work, and I was ready to wrap up the weekend.

Watching the Yankees pummel the Mets was the perfect way to end one week and start another. It's almost 3am right now, and though it is late, I will sleep a content man tonight. Am back in touch with all my friends, I have a working phone again, have made good progress at work, and am looking forward to elevating my fitness to a new level. Can I get to 185 at the end of next week? Can I have only 10 bugs assigned to me come this time next Sunday? Keep your fingers crossed...

Of Goals and Dreams

As I try to drift into sleep, the swirling thoughts in my head keep deep sleep at bay. Thoughts like these are sure to haunt my dreams, so best I type them out. A very righteous person said to me once, "...if you can't sleep, it is because your conscience isn't clear". That can't be true, because if a burdened conscience alone drove one to sleep deprivation, how does GWB ever sleep? This disruption in my sleep cycle can more likely be attributed to work; I spent most of today and a good chunk of yesterday finishing up my work assignments for the past week. Next week is going to be a very busy one with a lot of time spent ensuring that things work as advertised, but I'll take busy over idle in a heartbeat.

The past few months have whizzed by me, and the pace of work shows no sign of abating. A single night of frolic punctuates the week that is otherwise a blur of working and working out. Given the intense pace at work, I would have certainly gone mad had it not been for the Pro Club, and my nights on the town. Take last night for instance - I was stoked at the opportunity to get away from the office to celebrate Pooja's birthday at Tia Lou's. Excited enough to actually shave for the first time in five weeks!

With this change in pace at work, I have devised a new formula to keep myself energized. Work is always going to be around, so the key is to extract myself from the humdrum routine every so often, and witness, better yet, experience the vicissitudes of life, Time to wipe the goals slate clean and write a new one on there - to enjoy whatever I do, take it to the next level, screw balance and max life out! Speaking of goals, regardless of whether I meet my new goal to enjoy myself, I have inadvertently achieved another. The intent of this blog was to commemorate and celebrate notable events in my life, but it has been these quasi-postmortems that have guided me through the quagmire that is growing up. Enough of this rambling now, it's time to dream again...

Long Time No Write

I think it is time for me to resurrect "Free Form Writing", the idea that I should sit in front of the screen, and type away for 10 minutes. The post will be my raw thoughts (or blank if I don't have any) sans editing, and post typing touch-up. Here goes my *first* new attempt at this concept...

While I thought this new job would spark the creative juices inside me, the truth is that three months into this stint, I am tired like never before. Earlier, I used to be tired because I'd have worked out too much; physical exhaustion in isolation is completely my fault, and can be dealt with. The excitement of getting better at a sport or lifting more weights leads to temporary aches and pains. It is the physical exhaustion brought on by long and intense hours at work, the kind that accompanies mental exhaustion, which stays with you till you do one of two things - stop working hard or cut out extra-curricular activities.

Part of the exhaustion can be attributed to my wonky sleeping habits. I thought it was all the coffee and diet coke so I stopped, cold turkey. No caffeine, you'd think I'd sleep better now, right? Wrong; I forgot all about what the stress of work can do! I feel like I am constantly behind on my work items, and I have a whole slew of bugs assigned to me. Don't get me wrong, there hasn't been another phase in my professional life in which I have learnt more. But learning comes at a price, a steep one at that, is the lesson I am learning. Turns out, quitting caffeine alone isn't the cure, I must bust stress too.

Having enough work to do during the day has resulted in fewer indulgences, a consequence that my friends and immediate family have begun to notice. I logged on to online chat programs this week after a long hiatus, and social networking has been put on the back-burner to make time for other idle pleasures. This has certainly been a great change in my life - I read more, have more time to do stuff outdoors, and in general avoid spending time in front of the computer if I can avoid it. As exhausting as work has been, I have a strong reason to wake up every morning and work some more; there definitely is something about making a consumer product that my previous jobs lacked. This enthusiastically exhausted state has a lot to do with our tight delivery schedule. If you take into consideration the fact that the last product I worked on was in the works for 4 years, you will realize what a huge change this has been for me. The Zune is on a yearly shipping schedule.

Things have been trudging along on the social front. I have reached my breaking point with clubs. Henceforth, I am going to vote for the team to go to a lounge any day over going into a noisy club. With this being said, I have finally found the perfect crew to hang with, and my moving in with Juggy will only make my social life more tolerable :) I consider myself fortunate to have narrowly escaped the vortex that is the other Indian crew on the East Side; all that gossiping and bitching is bad karma. Given my track record, I don't need any more of that ingredient in my life. Phew!!

First night of the week that I am attempting to hit the sack before midnight. The idea is to wake up at the same time every morning, regardless of when I sleep. Let's see how long I can keep this up. I know one thing for sure, if this does work, I might have to go back to drinking caffeine again cuz there is no way in hell I am going to survive through the afternoon on less than 6 hours of sleep :)

Another Chapter Ends...

I move to my new address today. After having packed all weekend, I can safely say that I am mentally exhausted. The ordeal has just started - I am going to pick up the U-Haul in an hour, and my friends will be here within a few hours to help me move the big boxes, TV, couch and mattress. All the other stuff can be moved over the next couple days since my lease isn't up till the 31st.

There have been many changes in me since I moved into this apartment, many crazy events since September 2003; the most eventful has to be the time when I thought I lost my passport. Among other things, I cultivated a love for Art, started biking to work, serial dated and then took myself off the market for TOO long, sighed when I first noticed black turn gray, got myself a DVR, fell in and out of love more than once, and hosted two crazy parties. Am I emotional about moving out, hells yeah. Is it time to move out, double hells yeah!

Now, the moment to drive out and pick up my U-Haul has arrived. Here is to 17751, and all the memories I have of this place. Adios...

A weekend of no work

Small accomplishments, yes, that is what this blog chronicles. First the demo on Friday, and then a weekend of no working - a first since I joined the Zune org. How did I celebrate the weekend? Went to the most useless KUBE 93 Car show in Ghetto Tac and spent the rest of the evening hanging with Jyot and Mausaji. Watched a 24 Season 4 re-run on CW and passed out.

Interesting observation - I have generally been more tired these days than I used to be earlier. I don't know what to attribute this exhaustion to, but it has affected my workouts, and my general ability to get around. Maybe I am infected with the obesity epidemic; repeat after me - OBESITYYYY...

What to do on a sunny Seattle day

Roller blade
Bike
Play Tennis
Hike

But first, call all your friends in the hope that at least one will come out and enjoy the sunshine. Turns out, today wasn't my day to find such a "friend". Called enough folks in the hope of finding a tennis partner to no avail. Maybe it's time to find a new circle of friends who actually have hobbies.

Caffeine Abstinence

Today is the third day of my No Caffeine existence. I was miserable on Monday, had a severe migraine yesterday and started today groggy, but I think I have made it through the more difficult phase of caffeine withdrawal. The question that looms large now is - what drink is going to substitute my daily cup of coffee? This is a large cup to fill, I'll have you know! The beverage has to be as satisfying as coffee minus its addictive qualities. How am I going to find a drink like that? Crap!

The reason I started drinking drip was because I didn't want to drink milk. Which is the bigger evil, milk or coffee? Frak!! Why am I wasting my bandwidth on such stupid stuff?

Disgusted with myself

I hardly did anything today and I haven't worked out either. I need to start clocking the hours I put in to work every day. Enough of this, I need to go to bed now so I can start tomorrow on a great note.

Miscellaneous...

I am now a member of the Zune Development Team. The last time I felt so at sea was during RI-14 of the Longhorn Development Cycle. I emerged from that and I will from this situation. It is great to be challenged the way I have been this past week.

I have shot myself in the foot by intentionally destroying my sleep cycle. I forced myself to get into bed before Midnight for the first two weeks upon returning from India but that's history now. I have to get back to that schedule, especially on week days. It might help my sleep (among other things) if I didn't binge eat Rice Puffs (so tasty) at night - point noted.

The Security Processor Team is sorely missed!

This trip is behind me

When you meet your inner child, don't cry
Tell it everything is going to be alright...

I met my inner child this time around in Bombay and rather than eschewing its existence, I embraced it with open arms. I am back at Heathrow International, whiling the hours away till I have to board the plane home. Home is in a different city this time around, cities so different from one another that you would consider it unthinkable to confuse the two. On one side of the planet, ther is family and on the other, there is work and freedom. Will there ever be a convergence?

This last trip to India was extremely hectic and sadly, stressful. That the human element made and broke this trip isn't a complete surprise; my continued run of bad luck compounded by poor decision-making certainly is. I now fathom what the captain of a fielding side must go through when every decision he makes on the field seems to work against him. Not one to believe in kismet and fate, I couldn't help but cower to the "logic" that there was an outside hand in my run of misfortune. This might explain why I was at the airport three hours in advance of the scheduled departure of my return flight - I wasn't leaving anything to chance!

After all the shenanigans of the 9th, the trip's nadir had been located. Missing Gaurav's wedding day and spending it instead within the confines of New Delhi airport was a real downer. The only thing left for me to do was to maximise the rest of my sojourn in Bombay and in my own way, that's exactly what I did. I chose who I wanted to spend time with and didn't waver from my list - dined with the newly weds, met Vishy, hung with the extended family, lounged with Gundapps and spent as much time as I could with Nikhil. In other words, I avoided every potential source of negative energy like the plague and with good reason - the cup of negative energy brimmeth over, it didn't need another source pouring into it!

The Visa Deal - A Post Mortem

The more I think about this, the more I realize that all that preoccupation/stress/tension (whatever you call it) and negative en